


Fat chance [October challenge]

by darkrogue1 (Lily_Haydee_Lohdisse)



Category: Kyou Kara Maou!
Genre: Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, I see Conyuu, M/M, but you could see otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-12
Updated: 2006-10-12
Packaged: 2018-07-29 13:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7686241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lily_Haydee_Lohdisse/pseuds/darkrogue1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone at the castle is horrified by Conrad’s eating habits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fat chance [October challenge]

**Author's Note:**

> It could fit in the October challenge as it is both about Conrad’s first indigestion, and Conrad performing CPR for the first time in Shimakoku... 
> 
> Pairing : the usual, ie Conyuu implied… but that’s my bias : you could read it and find no reciprocated pairing whatsoever ^^.
> 
> Warnings : Not beta-read. Some Conrad bashing (by other characters) in the first part. I hope you won’t find this of too bad taste ^^.
> 
> AN : Partly inspired by Icefalcon‘s Learning (number 4).
> 
> To my father, who despite his stubbornness is not always successful in resuscitating people.

This was the usual end morning in the Blood Pledge Castle. The 27th Maou was currently trying to persuade his councillor Gwendal not to use brute force and call his troop to go against Lock Hem, a human country that supposedly was becoming restless and had issued some threats against Shinmakoku. As usual, Yuuri would prefer the diplomatic way, and Gwendal just had agreed to have them receive the Hemian ambassadors sometime next week for talks, if they agreed to it, when Gunther came running in.

" Your majesty ! It‘s terrible ! Your majesty ! "

" Oh, good morning Gunther. " Yuuri greeted him. " Is there a problem ? "

" We are busy ! " Gwendal grunted.

" Eh ? Wasn’t this the last point on this morning’s agenda ? " Yuuri was starting to tire, besides, he also was getting hungry.

Gwendal reluctantly agreed. " So, what did you want Gunther ? "

" Me ? " Gunther thought for a second. " Oh yes ! It’s terrible ! Your majesty, food has been disappearing from the kitchens again ! "

There was a blank.

" Does this mean the cropped-hair pony, I mean Maxime-san is back ? " Yuuri wondered.

" Is this why you are interrupting us ? " Gwendal fumed.

Gunther’s two saviours cut in from the door.

" No ! It’s… it’s…" Greta’s worried eyes melted Gwendal’s anger away.

" It’s that person." Wolfram spat from the doorframe on which he was leaning, catching his breath.

" That person ? " Yuuri repeated in wonder.

" It’s Conrad ! " Greta finished.

" Eehhhh ? " Yuuri was sure he was missing some important information there.

\--------------

By the time Yuuri arrived in the kitchens, the whole castle had seemed to gather there. At least there were a lot of people there, surrounding a smiling Conrad. Said person didn’t seem too happy to have been caught, but it was with his usual tight smile that he was softly defending himself against the accusations and reprobation’s arguments that fused.

" Don’t tell me… You really have been stealing food, Conrad ? " Was Yuuri’s first question as he arrived on the scene, people making way for him until he arrived on the front of the crowd.

It actually wasn’t Conrad who answered. Doria, Sangria and Lasagna answered all at once, their testimonies completing each other, with sometime an intervention from the onlookers.

When he put the pieces together, Yuuri understand it like this : In the last few days and for a reason that wasn’t mentioned, the cooks, looking closer at the food they prepared for the royal table, had found out that some of it would disappear between the time it was put on the rolling table and the time it was served in the dinner hall. It would be odd pieces, a salad decoration on the side, a potato (they had counted), some chantilly cream… And just today, they had set a trap and caught Sir Weller… red handed as it was… with strawberry sauce.

Yuuri didn’t quite know how to react to this situation, but he was spared by the arrival of Cheri. The former queen was back in the castle this week and just had heard about her second son’s latest quirk.

" My, my…" She began, parting the crowd. " Just like when you were a child, Conrad."

And Conrad smiled impishly as he remembered the occasion his mother was referring to. In the crowd, Yosak drew some feet back, just in case, but still stayed in earring-range.

Yuuri was horrified and fascinated altogether. " Conrad used to be stealing food ? "

" Yes, a long time ago." Cheri answered with a fond smile. " Would you like to hear the story, Your Majesty ?"

And when he nodded she began her tale.

" Conrad must have been around twenty-one at that time… he would sneak out of the kitchen with sweets. One day, on  the anniversary of my wedding with Gwendal‘s father actually, he found a pie unattended on the kitchen‘s table. It was a lemon pie with meringue, my favourite, and it was just finishing cooling. This young man found a way to distract the only cook there, Shinou only knows how, and to take the whole pie with him. Some time later, as the theft was discovered it was remembered that he had been there, so we looked for him. We finally cornered him in his room where he had finally taken refuge… it was unbelievable. He had crumbs everywhere on his shirt and still a bit of lemon on the corner of his mouth, but he still would claimed he hadn‘t taken it ! In fact, he admitted later he had eaten the whole thing just to hide the theft… that didn‘t prevent him from eating well that night… and of course he ended up with an indigestion, the poor dear. But I thought he had given up his food escapades after that… "

" It seems the habit has resurfaced." Gwendal remarked.

Conrad only smiled in his defence. He remembered that occasion well : the pie’s disappearance had been noticed way too soon and the only place he had found he could go was his room… where there was absolutely no place to hide the food. At least his accomplice hadn’t been found out… As for today….

" No way… You really should stop, Conrad." The young king admonished him. " It’s not good for your health. Besides, eating snacks between meal times is one of the reason people get fat you know ? Plus you already eat normally at the table, don‘t you ? "

" Well…" Conrad jested apologetically to Yuuri. " Do you think I’m getting fat, your majesty ?"

" No, you are perfect." Yuuri answered naturally, then he thought about what he was saying and stuttered a complement. " I mean… you aren’t fat… just… you should stay the way you are Conrad. "

" I will, your majesty."

Then Wolfram, on whose sleeve Greta was tugging, reminded them that it was lunch time, and that they really should eat too, and never mind the glutton who had already started before them. The crowd dispersed, but not before Conrad had made a sign to Yosak for them to meet later… ‘You still owe me’, he had mouthed… and the incident seemed closed.

\------------

There wasn’t talk about food disappearing for two or three meals after that, but Yuuri found strange things about his meat, his vegetables, or the fruits he had for dessert. He actually started noticing it when, during the following lunch, he had taken a strangely shaped purple apple for dessert. Choosing it from the fruit basket, he had just put him on his plate and grabbed his fork and knife when the apple had fallen in two cleanly cut pieces, just in front of him. The cut was so clean it must have been done in one go, then put back together. But that was a master swordsman’s feat, wasn’t it ? He had looked at it in wonder for a few seconds, looked around at the table, then gone on with eating it. One suspicious fact was that Conrad hadn’t been looking at him at that precise time.

Somehow, Yuuri’s suspicions that Conrad was responsible for this were confirmed that night, when he took up his piece of bread and felt a strange texture of crumbs at the bottom of it. Looking at it discretely, he found an apology written in English : small pieces of bread had been taken out. After that and because he was expecting it, it became more obvious. After all, self-cutting food or clipped vegetables weren’t that usual…

It wasn’t only obvious to Yuuri however, and the rumour started again.

" How undignified, for a soldier this level to use his stealth and agility to steal food." Gunther would whine to Gwendal.

" There is no helping it…" would be the answer.

Even Yuuri’s admonitions and councils would change nothing to the brunette’s behaviour.

" I knew he was the type to prefer food over flowers. " Wolfram said once…

" What do you mean by flowers ?…" Yuuri had answered on the defensive.

And so Conrad received harsh comments and was made the butt of jokes, but still he didn‘t act any differently.

However, just one week after the first incident, just as lunch was about to start, there was a drastic change of situation.

" Your Majesty !"

They were sitting at the table, and Yuuri had just taken place when an anguished voice made heads turn back towards the entrance. In the middle of the room and half-way to his chair, Conrad stood slumped and beads of sweat were forming on his forehead. He made a visible effort to raise his head, then smiled at his king.

" Don't eat anything, Yuuri." And saying this he collapsed.

" Eeeh ?" Yuuri was too surprised to react, but he knew something wasn't right.

" Call Gisela ! Hurry ! " Gwendal had risen from his seat and was already kneeling by his brother's side.

" Yes." And Gunther hurried off to carry the task with a serious face.

Wolfram was still seated in his place next to Yuuri‘s . " Pfff ! An indigestion again ? " He asked with disdain.

" Eeeh ?" Yuuri was looking back and forth, from the collapsed Conrad to Gunther disappearing through the door, to the still sitting Wolfram...

" Don't speak ill of your dying brother Woflram !" Gwendal snapped.

 This woke Yuuri up. He ran to kneel besides Gwendal and took Conrad's limp and sweating hand. This couldn‘t be true, could it ? Why would Conrad be dying ? What was wrong that Gwendal and Gunther had understood ? "He's not dying ! This cannot be true ... say, Gwendal ! It's not true is it ? " and he pressed Conrad's right hand to his chest.

"He's been poisoned." Gwendal said shortly. His tone was final, and when Yuuri looked up with incredulous eyes he explained. " He doesn’t have any maryoku."

In that instant, Yuuri remembered and understood. Back then, when Gunther had been poisoned with the Wincott’s poison, he had put himself in suspended-animation so that the substance wouldn’t go too far in his system. Conrad couldn’t use the demon’s magic, so he couldn’t save himself in the same way.

But there had to be a way to save him, there had to be… As a half-mazoku, Conrad was long-lived so maybe… just in that moment Yuuri followed his instinct as the Maou and took both of Conrad’s hand in each of his. There was a flare of blue around the king, and before anyone could stopped him, he had slumped forward, still holding the man’s hands.

" What are you doing, Yuuri ! " Were the shouts. " Your Majesty ! "

Gwendal bent closer and checked the two half-human’s breathing, then he sat up in wonder.

" What did he do ? " Wolfram asked, worried. He had stood up when Gwendal had said Conrad was dying, and now he had come to join his elder brother by Yuuri’s side.

" He put them both in suspended-animation." Gwendal wasn’t the one for long explanations, and indeed, when Wolfram examined them closer, he could feel the flow of maryoku circling in their two bodies, passing through their intertwined hands. After that, neither Gwendal nor Wolfram dared disturb any of them before Gisela’s arrival, and they waited.

\--------------

When Gisela arrived, she first looked surprised to see that the king also was unconscious, but when she found out the cause, she felt relief : the time already elapsed wouldn‘t count that much then. By chance, the poison was easily recognisable and she quickly took an adapted counter poison from her bag, and fed it to Conrad. Not ten minutes had past when he waked up after that.

The first thing Conrad noticed when he regained consciousness was the warm weight upon his chest, then Yuuri’s familiar hands in his. He felt tired and something was wrong with his body… poison ! In an instant he remembered all the past week’s events, Lock Hem’s threats, the day he was caught in the kitchen, the way he had enlisted Yosak’s help to continue his self-assigned task… and today. The last thing he remembered was that he had collapsed after warning Yuuri, and then Gwendal shouting something… why was Yuuri on top of him ?

He opened his eyes and tried to focus on the black mane of hairs resting on his chest.

" Yuuri ? "  He croaked.

Around him, there were sights of relief.

" Apparently he has put you both in suspended-animation to save you." Gisela explained, waiting for the king to wake up in his turn any second now.

Conrad’s eyes widened : he hadn’t risked his life to save his king so that the young man would put himself in danger ! He gently pressed Yuuri’s hands and breathed his name again, but there was no reaction. Suddenly worried, he half sat up : something felt wrong.  
" Yuuri ! " He exclaimed. " Yuuri wake up ! "

The change in his voice alerted Gisela. " What’s wrong ? "

" His heart is not beating ! "

Everything happened very fast then. In less time than it took to explain it, Conrad rose and kneeled on the floor, laying Yuuri down on his back. Gently he pushed the young man’s forehead back and unbuttoned the fast black collar. He took Yuuri’s chin in his left hand and pulled it slightly down, thus parting the unconscious king’s lips. Conrad then bent forward so that his right cheek would nearly touch those lips.

" What are you doing ? " Wolfram asked indignantly to his brother. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? " The second time was a shriek.

Conrad had drawn a deep breath and this time put his own lips on Yuuri’s, then blown his air in the youth’s lungs, twice. Putting both his hands on Yuuri’s chest and pressing down in regular motions he answered :

" Cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Earth technique. I‘m just breathing for him, Wolfram." And  his unsmiling tense expression seemed to convince his younger brother.

After having pushed down about thirty times he inspired again and put his mouth on Yuuri’s to insufflate him some air again. When he straightened for the second time, his face was a mask of anguish.

" Please breathe, please wake up, Yuuri… please ! " He punctuated the chest compressions with pleas, begging the young man to not leave him, leave them. Each time was more fearful, more desperate. " Please wake up, Yuuri please, please breathe… " 

This time as he drew air he closed his eyes, as if praying, and his own heart tensed when his lips met Yuuri’s still warm ones. They were warm but limp, soft but unresponsive. To Conrad it felt as if he were performing the last kiss to the dead, the final goodbye to a corpse. Air was life, so he transferred his into Yuuri. " Please breathe." A second time. " Please."

He started to press his hands on Yuuri’s chest again, more forcefully this time.

" Be careful ! " Gisela exclaimed. " You might break his ribs ! "

Conrad ignored her, what was a rib if Yuuri lived, maryoku could easily mend that kind of thing… " Please breathe." He murmured. Every second seemed like hours, until finally Yuuri emitted a gasp and opened his eyes, drawing the deep breath of someone that has been underwater for too long.

Conrad didn’t move, he only closed his eyes in reconnaissance and kept his hands were they were, feeling Yuuri’s heart under his fingertips, feeling the beat that had just re-started. Then he let himself fall back on the ground, exhausted and feeling dizzy. " Yuuri." He breathed without a sound.

Gisela had taken his place at the king side to check up on him. " Here drink this." She had said as soon as it was clear that his condition was stable again, and while he drunk without a question, she softly pestered about the fool that had risked to poison the king by saving him. They really should have other people introduced to this new method, though : it certainly seemed effective.

When Yuuri further regained his senses, his first question was for the man he had gone through all this trouble for.

" How is Conrad ? "

" You saved him, Your Majesty." Gisela answered good-naturedly. " Thanks to you, I was able to get there in time. " She didn’t add yet how worried they all had been, and how much he had flirted with death.

Conrad did however, some time later, when Gisela finally allowed him to stand up again.

" Don’t scare me like that again…Your Majesty, what if you had not woken ? This was for you to live, I never asked for you to save me." And as he was saying this, his eyes were burning with a further meaning : ‘ I would have felt terrible if you had died while I was trying to save you.’ However Yuuri didn’t back down for that gaze and his clear eyes just took the message in and mirrored it back.

" What would I have done if YOU had died, Conrad ? I never asked you to die for me ! "

And to that Conrad didn’t find an answer and only looked as his king, memorizing the young man’s fierce expression in his heart. What he would have wanted to say, " I still gladly would do it anytime.", never passed his lips. Yuuri was Yuuri after all, and it was best not to press important matters. Besides, even if the king forbade him to, he would never be able to obey.

\-------------

In the following days, Conrad received many apologies from the ones who had taunted him, for all the mockeries he had endured to keep being the Maou’s food-tester.

THE END


End file.
